I’m tired

You can see the dark circles under my eyes

I slept at midnight, all because I had to memorize the important dates of the people who lived long before, their birth and their death and all the in-between

They say it’s so history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does every. single. day.

He died, she dropped out, and they were beat up by the bullies at school

No, don’t wear that, the popular girls say it isn’t cool

And yeah, hey, if you live like this, maybe when you die at lease one person will cry

They’ll remember you for your smiles- but they were all fake

Your mom says do it just for my sake

I’m tired of putting this mask on

Soon, you’ll see what really lies beneath 

It breaks me little by little

Every time I keep losing

My already low self esteem is bruising

I’ve forgotten how to laugh

I remember being younger when I didn’t have to care

The most important rule was just to stay in your chair

So what are we taught now in school?

Have you ever asked an adult if they’ve used algebra in their lives?

Some end their their own life with knives  to make it end faster

How can we not see that there’s some sort of problem?

Is it in the system? No it must be in us, 

It’s because we have no one left to trust

What, I’m supposed to spill my guts to some therapist?

I know it all goes back to my parents, I see the camera in the corner

I know all you tell me are lies

I can tell that it’s all fake sympathy in your eyes

But when are you going to realize

That I’m not the problem

They say the teachers should get payed more

They taught the doctors 

But they’re also the reason I even need a doctor

The pressure is killing me at an impeccable speed

The pimples are from stress, so is the nausea,

My room is a mess, but I know what I must do

Make sure you pass your test, make sure the letter on that paper is an A, because if it’s not than you’ll be shunned by your family

It’s graduate high school, go to college- and not just any college, a good one- then get yourself a job, make some money

Make a name for yourself, because if you don’t have at least one trophy on that shelf you’re a joke

And you know that soon enough you’ll probably be broke

And since money rules all, you better at least look like a doll

Because it’s be pretty or rich or you’re nothing at all

And how do you be pretty?

Well you can’t be different for sure

Look at the people the public loves to start with

Put on makeup, do your hair, wake up early, and then surely, you’ll get some friends, at least out of pity

You know why society is scared of death?

Because all our bones will decay, this beauty everyone loves isn’t here to stay

That’s what they all fear

That the only thing that will matter is what is up here

And they aren’t ready for that

At least I can still have a nice little chat

About what x equals and what a molecule is

I can most certainly pass any pop quiz

But throw life in my way and I’ll probably fail

I’m tired of living my life when it’s all preset before I’m even born

I’m tired of pasting this fake smile

I’m tired of feeling like different is a mistake

I’m just plain tired of staying awake

I know, when I say something different, people are going to stare

But hey if I bring it up maybe someone will actually start to care

Best read aloud. Copyright ©Amany Sayed 2020

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